Her Beating Heart

I found the most amazing thing last week.

I don't even know how to start.

Our laptop was down so I had to work on our desktop computer, which I NEVER use. As I was using it, I had to save something in my Documents file.

I saw a video labled "A's Heartbeat."

My own heart stood still for a moment.

I clicked on it and the video began.

There I was lying in a hospital bed, incredibly pregnant with twins four and a half years ago. I was wearing my gown with pink hearts on it - the same one I was wearing the morning my daughters were born. The nurse had the doppler on my belly. Chris was filming and you can hear the heartbeat loud and clear.

Melissa's heartbeat.

At the time, we hadn't named our girls. Melissa was baby "A" and Ann Catherine was baby "B." That's why the video was labeled "A's Heartbeat."

Do you know what this means?

I have her heartbeat on video.

I can hear her heart beating.

It's loud and clear on this video. It's so strong.

Just like she was.

Four years later, what a gift - an absolute gift - that God just allowed me to find. I cannot put into words what this means to me.

I can lay down next to Ann Catherine and Lily Baker anytime I want and hear their heart beat.

For four years, I couldn't hear Melissa's.

Until now.

On the video, I am grinning from ear to ear. Melissa kicks and the nurse says, "Do you feel that?" and I excitedly answer, "Yes!"

I can not get over the goodness of God. I didn't know this video existed. I don't even remember Chris taking it.

But I will cherish it for as long as I live. One day I can let AC and LB watch it so they can hear their big sister.

She was alive. She was a living, breathing, kicking soul.

With the most beautiful heartbeat in the world.

Thank you God. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for letting me find this. Thank you that for whatever reason I haven't seen it until now.

Thank you for giving me such a beautiful gift. Thank you for allowing me to carry Melissa for the time that I did. Thank you that Chris taped that heartbeat for whatever reason on that day. Thank you for letting me find it now.

Thank you for that beautiful, beating heart. Now that I have found this video, my heart will never be the same.