Moving On

My girls are close.

Really close.

It's not just that they are so close in age. It's more than that. I just believe there's a bond there - especially for Ann Catherine - that even I don't fully understand. The best way I know to explain it is that Lily Baker just feels a giant void in her heart.

The other night at the dinner table, we were talking about AC starting kindergarten next year. We explained that it meant she would leave her preschool. That's when it clicked. I've been waiting for it, and it finally happened.

"You mean I won't be with Lily Baker anymore?" she asked, and she immediately started crying. Make that sobbing. With giant, crocodile tears streaming down her face.

"But I don't want to leave Lily!" she cried. And she cried. And she cried.

I started crying, too. I just couldn't help it.

And as he always does when I am at a loss, Chris stepped in. He is my rock who always knows when to take over.

As only he could, he started reminding AC of all the things that LB does that make her crazy. "Are you really going to miss that?" he asked. And she immediately started laughing.

I didn't recover so quickly. As everyone began eating again, I just stared off into space.

As I told Chris later, it wasn't because AC was sad over being away from LB.

It's that she isn't supposed to go to school alone next year! Melissa is supposed to be right there with her.

It was NEVER supposed to be this way. She shouldn't have to worry about being alone next year.

She's a twin, for crying out loud! And her twin should be there!

And that's what hurts the most.

I know AC is going to be okay without LB next year. But it's just another painful reminder of what should have been.

And sometimes, that's the hardest part of all.