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Sunday, March 30, 2008

Being a Twin

While I was combing Ann Catherine's hair tonight, she told me about two little boys she knows. I'm not sure if she knows them from church, daycare or somewhere else. I had never heard her mention them before.

"They're twins, mommy," she said.

I felt like my heart was going to stop.

"What, Ann Catherine?" I asked.

"They're twins, mommy," she answered.

I was speechless. I can't explain the enormity of that moment for me. First of all, I had never heard Ann Catherine utter the word "twins" before. Secondly, she could never understand just how close it hit to home.

I wanted to blurt out, "So, are you, baby!" and tell her all about her precious twin. But, Ann Catherine isn't ready. And tonight wasn't the time.

I have to admit, I've come a long way. When Melissa first died, seeing twins together was so painful for me. I have always said that one of the things I grieve the most, is the fact that Ann Catherine won't be able to grow up with her twin. It's such a sacred bond.

But, God can bring so much healing. I don't cry anymore when I see twins. In fact, there are twins in Ann Catherine's room at daycare, and she loves both of them so much! She has loved both of those children since she met them. Sometimes I wonder if she's not drawn to them in some sort of way.

Even though Ann Catherine doesn't know she's a twin yet, I do believe she knows she has some type of connection to someone else. I believe it's why she is so close to Lily. She was missing a part of her, and it was a void that only Lily (not me, not Chris, not anyone else) could fill.

And when the time is right, we'll tell Ann Catherine she's a twin. And we'll explain what that means. Only God knows when that time will come. But, I am sure of one thing: he'll give us the words to say so Ann Catherine will fully understand how special she is to share such a sacred bond with another human being.

And although Melissa isn't here, that bond is. And no one can take that away from her.

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