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Monday, November 28, 2011

Finding my Confidence

Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need." Hebrews 4:16

As I did my Bible study a few weeks ago, God made something abundantly clear to me.

I am afraid to ask boldly.

It's not that I don't believe that God can do anything. It's not that I don't have faith in Him.

It's because I know how devestating it can be when His answer isn't the same as ours. So even though I pray for others and I believe in His power, when it comes to me, I'm simply afraid to ask boldly.

It all goes back to my daughter's death. Chris and I prayed fervently and passionately that she would be healed. And we didn't just pray it. We believed it. We claimed it.

And then she died and we felt like we had been blindsided. I think her death hit us so hard because we believed that God would answer our prayers.

But, his answer was different from ours. And it was absolutely heartbreaking.

And because of that, I have been afraid to "go out on a limb" when praying because I don't want to be disappointed when the answer is different from mine.

This morning, as I did my Bible study, I came across this verse in Hebrews 4:16:

"Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence (my emphasis), so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need."

I felt like God was hitting me over the head with a two by four. And then I thought about it more.

It's that word "confidence." Didn't I approach the throne with confidence when I prayed for him to heal Melissa?

Yes, I did. But I don't think this verse is talking about that kind of confidence.

It's not being confident that God is going to hear my prayer and answer it exactly the way I want Him to.

It's confidence that he will hear my prayer and that His will will be done. And it's confidence that if that outcome isn't the same one that I prayed for, that He will carry me. It's confidence that His ways are perfect even when they don't make sense to me. It's confidence that He is in control. It's confidence that I cannot control the outcome, but I can trust him to carry me.

Have you ever felt like a verse in the Bible was written just for you? I had that feeling today. Even so, I'm not there yet. I'm praying for that confidence when I do approach His throne of grace. And I am grateful for a God who hears me when I cry.


dweiser26 said...

That does hit it on the head, Ames.
My mother's death two years ago could have been more devastating to me, but He knew that, and He replaced my loss with comfort. I came to Him after she died, and even though I still miss my Mom, I know He still carries me. And ours is such a short life compared to what waits for us, that if we trust His word, He will not let us down, and we will have an eternity of happiness.

Sherrill said...

Oh my goodness. How succinctly and prayerfully and faithfully and ACCURATELY you have just exposed our adversary's advantage in a Christian's battle with him over whether or not God really - REALLY - is faithful when we pray - regardless of the outcome. It took me years of heartaches and storms to get my heart around that verse! (I guess I'm a slow learner!)

It is amazingly liberating and comforting to finally have that two by four make the needed impact. ;-). Thank you so much for sharing. . .I'm SURE someone will read this and have their own revelation!

The HoneaBees said...

You know exactly why I need this little reminder...Thank you friend!

Stephanie T said...

Wow - you hit it on the head with that one. It's so easy to say you have faith, but to come boldly with confidence and TRUST.......that's SO hard.....and then the fear factor creeps in of the's so good to have a God that understands our every thought before we even think it. AND sweet sisters who have walked this road too ;))

I am praying to find my confidence and boldness as well - it's there ;))

Sherrill said...

It's me again - writing through my tears again. Steph and I have a friend battling the monster of cancer. . .and I just saw that she sent her the link to your blog tonight. God knows exactly what we need and when we need it and He choreographs the delivery in His amazing ways. Your post demonstrates that we should never think it strange when these fiery trials come - what a wonderful sisterhood to share the common denominators of the pain, confusion and frustration in the midst of the trial - but at the same time they become our "cloud of witnesses" when we are weighed down! The next to last paragraph of your post says it all. . .

Love my 2 BoYs! said...

Thank you so much for this post! You know with our fertility struggle this has been and still is something I struggle with daily!! Love ya!

Amy said...

David, What a beautiful way of saying that! You summed it up so perfectly. I know you miss your mom but how beautiful that you will see her again!

Amy said...

I have chills after reading your last post! I am praying for your friend and hope this post gives her some type of comfort. These trials in our lives can just threaten to overwhelm us sometimes. She is so blessed to have you and Stephanie in her life!!

Amy said...

I know that struggle - it's such a hard road. I hope you can approach his throne with confidence as you go down it. I know he has something so amazing in store for your family!!